This is what you need to understand about weight gain in marriage

Welcome back to my married young series, this is my second post. If you haven’t read the first one, click here. Today we’re talking about a very sensitive subject; weight gain. I call it sensitive because you want to be very careful how you talk about it, especially with/towards women. This is not spoken about enough and so I wanted to share my 2 cents on it. How it changes us and how to accept the beauty in all the changes that your body has to offer. But first let’s start with me. This is what you need to understand about weight gain in marriage.

The beginning

I’ve been a pretty small girl my whole life, but I wasn’t satisfied with how I looked. My modeling career had a lot to do with this.

I carried that with me into adulthood.

My weight pretty much stayed the same for a very long time until l got married. At first I didn’t notice. Weight gain is like a thief in the night. It creeps in slowly and before you know it, you’re 40 pounds bigger. This is the time you want to feel your best because now you have a partner who’ll see you naked everyday for the rest of your life. And if you’re like me, and you don’t know any better, you want to have a body of a 16 year old forever, only you can’t..

When I gained weight, I had stretch marks in a lot more places then I use to. I would see the cellulites stretching from my butt all the way down to my thighs. I’d stretch my arm out, wiggle it and the fat under it would dance along. And my belly, that was once so flat carried more fat than it ever has. The point that I’m trying to bring across here is that women notice every single change in their bodies, big or small. We don’t need to hear from anyone else how big we’ve gotten, especially from other women. But I’ll get more into that in a bit.

I know not everyone gains weight only when they get married. But this post is for anyone who feels less than in their relationship because of how much they’ve changed physically.

Change is powerful

Again, I understand why you would want to go back to a size 2. If I could, I would too. But you need to understand what your body has gone through and continues to go through to keep you alive and unfortunately some of those sacrifices cause you to gain weight. So no, it’s not just unhealthy food and drinks that are to blame, there’s a lot more to it.

Menstrual Cycle

Hormones.. high level of estrogen peaks right before your period which causes your body to retain fluid. It makes you feel bloated and potentially causes you to gain water weight. Your period also ramp up your appetite, you find yourself craving sweet and salty treats which also contributes to weight gain. Don’t even get me started with bloating. There’s so much that goes on in your body around that time of the month, you don’t need to feel guilty for feeding your cravings. Your body needs to go through some things for you to function well, and you get to treat yourselves for it.

Childbirth

I’m not a mom (yet) but I understand just how much a woman’s body changes before and after birth. These are the kind of women that truly need and deserve grace because it is physically impossible to bounce back after just having a child. There’s a lot of healing that needs to be done and then you have to raise your kids. There are women who don’t have the money or the resources to live a healthy lifestyle. Which takes them much longer to lose the baby weight. Mothers need to be loved on so hard, not just by their children or husband. By families and friends, other moms, their community because you have no idea just how that change affects them, especially first time moms.

Contraceptives

I know of three form of birth controls that causes weight gain, and that’s the shot, the pills and the implant. Women go on birth control for different reasons, some try to prevent pregnancy, and others try to either stop or minimize their period from being so heavy and/or painful. There’s really no other way to avoid/prevent these issues.

Responsibilities=no gym

Now hear me out on this.. when you’re an adult, you have so many responsibilities and the gym for some people are just not on their priority list okay? They have more important things to worry about, seriously. Yes, your health is important and it would be great to get your 10 000 steps a day but not everyone has time to do that.

I want to encourage you to try to do what you can. You only have 15 minutes a day? That’s alright, that’s one hour and 45 minutes a week. It counts for something. Social media will have you think you need to workout 24/7 to look like celebrities when all they really do is have surgery. Life gets pretty overwhelming at times and you need to give yourself a lot more grace for doing so much and sometimes going to the gym is just not top priority.

Stress/depression/anxiety

When you are depressed you tend to lose interest in activities and are less physically active. Stress increases your appetite and causes cravings for sweet, salty and fatty foods. I think you understand what I’m trying to get at here. Some things are just inevitable.

Your body is supposed to change, stretch marks and cellulites are normal, having fat on your body is normal. We just feel the need to live up to social standards that tell you to have none of the above as a grown woman. When they photoshop everything. Do not compare your life to people on social media, you have no idea what a lot of them have to do in order to have a 16 year old’s body at the age of 46. It’s not normal. But it’s so sad because it’s normalized.

Your feelings are valid

I don’t know about you, but I became self conscious when I gained weight. Like I mentioned before, I noticed when I put on weight and it bothered me so much because if I was aware of it then people around me were definitely aware too. There are people who have an opinion on how your body should or shouldn’t look which is so personal and so rude. So it’s totally okay to give them a piece of your mind when they make these type of comments.

Love the little and big changes

I look at myself in the mirror everyday and think about what I love about my body. I’ve gotten to a point where I play with my belly sometimes. I’ll poke it, hold it, wiggle it, you name it. It’s a part of me and that’s my way of showing it love. Compliment your body until you mean it, sure it may feel uncomfortable for some time but I promise, you’ll notice the good eventually. It’s going to take time for you, I know this because I’m there myself.

My mother in law always reminds me that this is what I’m supposed to look like, I’m a woman, not a child anymore. That voice appears in my head when I feel self conscious. That I’m an adult, I’m supposed to look this way.

Our husbands

I thank God for my husband because I’m able to talk to him about uncomfortable conversations without feeling bad. He knows how much my weight gain has affected my self confidence. This man compliments me everyday, I’m not exaggerating. Now I’m not saying that should be expected from every man but he at least needs to appreciate and compliment you from time to time, make you feel like you’re it with your cute fupa. I want you to share this journey with your partner because let’s be honest, low self esteem can affect your sex life. When our partners know this, they’ll be more sensitive and understanding towards the situation.

I want you to know this, being skinny isn’t everything. If a grown man gets upset that you don’t look the way you used to then he has a lot of growing up to do, seriously. My husband would say: “this could change into all kinds of shapes” and he would point to my body and then point to my heart and say “as long as this remains the same”. The same goes for you.

I hope this post changes how you view yourself.

You are beautiful.

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