The waiting season..
It’s 12am
I finally have some down time after running around all day. I took the steamiest shower, I’ve got my glass of wine, jazz music playing in the back round and my precious laptop (she’s precious because she allows me to be creative). I couldn’t ask for anything else on this beautiful fall night.
Now I know I share a lot on my blog, but this is definitely the most vulnerable I’ve been. I had this particular post saved in my drafts for 3 weeks. I decided to continue working on it because I figured someone might need to read this, and that someone might be you.
So..
I’m going to share with you how I had to adapt to change in 2020, how difficult the waiting season was for me..
2020
2020 was the year I had to be an adult. Before then, life was a tad bit easier, for the most part..
I drove a car that wasn’t mine.
I used a phone that wasn’t mine.
I ate food that I didn’t have to pay for.
I lived in a home and had 0 responsibility for it.
My job provided it all but in 2020 I had to give it all back. The car, the phone and the home. Which I was okay with because it was never mine to keep to begin with.
A lot happened around that time.
I had some issues with my documents as well, so not only was I prohibited to drive for 2 years, but I wasn’t allowed to work either.
From the time I arrived in America, there was nothing more that I wanted than my freedom, I was prepared to work for it. I was not happy with the people that I lived with, but I had to see it through. I had no privacy and that alone was enough for me to want to leave.
So I did..
2021
I bought a phone, with my own money and that was a big deal for me. I used my hard earned money to buy a phone that I would keep this time.
I don’t come from money, everything I have I had to work really hard for, so it was a proud moment for me.
My husband showed me what freedom looked like. He was the first person that I had met in America that made space for me to be myself.
I wanted to be a better person, not just for myself but for him and the people that I love too.
I had a lot of time on my hands so I used it to go to therapy, to unlearn bad habits, to figure out ways I could break generational curses, to heal through trauma. This was the year I started working towards becoming the woman I’ve always envisioned myself to be, someone who set boundaries and called things out for what they were.
I was not quite there yet..
I spent most of my time at home since I couldn’t drive anywhere. Uber was too expensive to go out and spend time with friends or to do things that I liked on my own. When I wanted to go out, I either waited for my husband’s day off or I asked a friend to pick me up and although they never made me feel this way, I always felt like I was bothering them.
This went on from 2020 throughout 2021 to late 2022
I felt like a burden.
Hearing back from immigration took longer than I thought it would, some days I cried and other times I was too numb to do or say anything..
My husband, his family and my family never stopped encouraging me and I thank God for them.
2022
This year started off with tears, good tears.
One of my forms got approved by immigration and that meant that we could move forward, we’re a step closer.
My husband and I cried when I opened the envelope and hugged for what felt like an hour long.
Does the waiting season end?
Months went by and my frustration grew stronger, I was starting to lose hope again thinking it would take another year before I heard back again but in July I finally received my work permit which meant that I could get my driver’s license.
I could drive again..
It truly was a beautiful moment, after two years I was able to drive again.
As if God would stop right there. By His grace I was able to buy a car this month (October). I was in awe. I have my own car now.
Everything I went through felt worth it.
I also feel like all the inner work I’ve done the past year is finally paying off. I feel a lot more confident and sure about myself.
Your time coming
Never, ever lose hope. Your time is coming. I am so hopeful for 2023, I know it’s going to be a great year for my husband and I. My biggest wish is to see my family in South Africa next year, it’s been 4 years.
I look forward to us growing as a couple and doing the unimaginable.
The waiting season can be hard but God continues to show us how faithful He is.
Your time is coming.
Don’t lose hope.
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