Navigating through life with the thought of someone who has inflicted pain upon us is a journey filled with complexities, especially when the pain inflicted appears intentional or is a projection of the person’s own turmoil onto us. How we choose to regard them in such moments is a reflection of our own resilience and emotional fortitude.
For many, the initial response to such pain is to seek distance and isolation. I did, I relocated to a place far removed from those whose actions had wounded me deeply. The belief was that physical distance would help me heal, but instead, it seemed to exacerbate the ache within. Alone with my thoughts, the pain turned into anger and resentment, coursing through my veins with an intensity I had never before experienced.
In hindsight, it’s clear that my approach was flawed. Getting away from those who caused me harm did little to address the emotional turmoil I was going through. If anything, it provided fertile ground for bitterness to take control.
Over time, the festering resentment became the focal point of my existence. It consumed my thoughts and conversations for years. I came to a realization – harboring resentment was poisoning my soul.
It’s a realization that forced me onto a journey of healing and self-discovery. I’ve come to understand that while the pain inflicted upon me was real, allowing it to define me only continued the cycle of suffering. I’ve learned that healing is not a linear path. It’s messy, and often experienced with setbacks.
I want you to know that there’s so much peace on the other side of forgiveness.
Healing takes time, it can’t be rushed. And when you’re ready to move forward, you’ll want to know how to create space with compassion while healing from hurt.
Moving forward
1.Understand this: individuals who are experiencing pain and lack the understanding of how to address or heal from their own suffering may project this hurt onto others. It has nothing to do with you.
2.Some people may never express remorse for the harm they’ve caused you, and you might need to find it within yourself to forgive them anyway. However, this forgiveness isn’t for their benefit but for your own well-being and peace of mind.
3. You can choose to forgive people and still decide to go no contact with them, and this doesn’t make you a bad person. Even though you may have grown and changed, they might not have changed at all, and you wouldn’t want to place yourself in a position where you could be hurt by them again.
4. You have the authority to decide when and how to move forward; others cannot dictate a timeline for your healing process.
5. Pray to God for the strength to forgive those who have hurt you. Engage with your Bible for guidance, have meaningful conversations about healing, seek support from a therapist, and read self-help books—all of these steps can bring you closer to healing.
6. You don’t owe them the old version of yourself, especially after they’ve caused you so much pain.
Lysa Terke
My healing is my choice.
I can heal. I can forgive. I can trust God. And none of those beautiful realities are held hostage by another person. Healing will take time. But I must move forward toward it if I ever hope to get there. And forgiveness is a good step in the right direction. Not just good, but necessary.
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