In my early twenties, I didn’t think I would have strong friendships as an adult for multiple reasons…
One, a deep friendship ended badly when I was a teenager and I carried that with me for a very long time.
Two, the handful of friends I had were in South Africa, these were people I swore would be my only friends in life. I’m still in touch with a lot of them but it’s hard maintaining friendship abroad.
Three, my anxiety and low self esteem planted doubts in my head. I didn’t think I would have the courage to not only start friendships but maintain them also.
Cultivate new friendships
The most important thing about having adult friends is making yourself visible, networking, just like you would if you were dating. I met all of my friends by challenging myself, some I met through acquaintances and social media, others I met through a friendship app; yes it exists.
When you doubt yourself, you face barriers in developing sincere friendships. You may fear rejection, lack of connection and short lived friendships. But what if the friendship proves to be successful? Don’t let your fears be the reason you don’t establish connections.
Friendship just like any other relationship, is important to have as an adult.
Don’t let your past define you
The guilt of failed friendships excuses us from forming new ones. You may feel underserving of companionship due to violating someone’s trust or betraying them. Or you may have trust issues because of emotional betrayal. If you’ve been in either positions, give yourself grace.
We make mistakes, and for me personally when I know better, I do better. If you’ve hurt friends in the past you, learn from those mistakes and be a better human being.
Life occurs beyond friendship
Spending time with friends is essential. But the older we get, the more occupied we become with commitments. That means less time for a whole lot. It takes maturity and discernment to understand that you have to plan ahead sometimes, or that your friend may have to cancel on you due to other obligations they have. You may not even see or speak to them very often. Real friends still love you anyway.
Comparison is the thief of joy
Celebrate your friends when it’s their season, recognize them and encourage them. Your time will come. There’s no need to get upset or jealous over their achievements or milestones. Have an open heart and celebrate them. If it does happen, pray over it and let Jesus guide you because that’s not good spirit to have. God knows what He’s doing, your time will come.
Recognize the place of each friend
Know where to place your friends. If you have a friend that you can trust, she’s the one you share personal details with. If you have a jealous friend, she’s the one you keep at arm’s length. If you have a friend who’s a bookworm, she’s the one you invite over for a cup of coffee to talk about books. If you have a friend that loves to have a good time, she’s the one you hit up when you’re trying to be out all night. If you have a friend that comes from the same background as you, she’s the one you relate to about your past. If you have a friend who’s deep in their faith, she’s the one you attend Bible study and go to church with.
It’s very important that you don’t get your friends confused, that could end in a disaster. Just like relationships, sometimes we get ahead of ourselves and get too excited, get personal too quickly and end up getting hurt. Take your time..
Break free from detrimental friendships
I stated previously that sometimes we fumble and hurt people, and I also mentioned how important it is to learn from those mistakes. There are people who are just plain toxic, reprobate friends. I don’t compromise those, not even toxic family. It takes the beautiful experiences away that life gives us, and life is too short for me to cross fingers and hope someone will come around when they keep showing me their true intentions.
Transparency
Honesty is the best policy. I know that’s a cliche but it’s the truth. Be honest with your friends. If they hurt your feelings, instead of talking about them behind their back, tell them directly instead. It will save you from a lot.
The way your friends behave towards you is a reflection of their feelings for you
I’m an extremely observant person, I pick up on subtle things that the next person may ignore. It’s not always about what your friends say to you or about you, it’s how they treat you as well. Do you feel loved, seen and understood? Do they encourage you, advise you and want the best for you? Do they support you and respect you?
I recently lost my grandmother, it was a very difficult time for me, still is. My friends all showed up in the most beautiful way. The importance of having friends not only when things are good but when they turn for the worst as well is very important.
Friendships are so magical when they’re real, I love and respect mine dearly. It’s a beautiful thing to relate to other women, to have a helping hand and a companion.
Star, Kamo, Candace, Sara, Hannah..
Thank you.
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