Individuality is crucial in marriage. Women have a great deal of responsibilities as wives and moms and there’s a sense of guilt that comes with feeling like you’re not doing enough. So you continue to push yourself which results in exhaustion, that means less time for you. You unknowingly will start losing yourself and forget who you are.
Here are some steps to help you find your individuality.
Take care of you first
Make a list of your hobbies
What are some things that you enjoy doing in your free time? What do you like to do by yourself? How often would you like to participate in these hobbies?
Here are some of my favorite hobbies:
- Reading Novels, Autobiographies and Self help books
- Writing content for my blog
- Visiting aesthetically pleasing coffee shops
- Taking walks near the river
- Traveling
- Watching K-dramas
- Journaling
- Cooking new recipes
- Visiting furniture stores
These are some of the things that make me feel joyful and peaceful. What are some of the things that bring the same feeling for you?
Make time for your hobbies
Earlier I talked about the guilt that comes with feeling like we’re not doing enough. I know that’s an issue that I personally struggle with. Start squeezing in some of your hobbies into your calendar. You can start small and work your way up. For example, I had been so stressed for the past couple of weeks that I stopped reading and writing altogether, I was in work mode. My husband encouraged me to get back to doing things that I love. For 1 hour everyday I get uninterrupted time to read. I have a cosy area in our bedroom with mood lighting, I turn those on, play some classical music, have matcha and read. My husband knows not to disturb me at this time.
If you don’t have an hour you can start with 10-15 minutes of uninterrupted time. If you can dedicate one day to self care and hobbies, that’s even better.
Spend time with other people
Having friends that you can talk to and rely on is essential, I talk about it here. Talking to other women who not only get it but encourage you, is so refreshing. Don’t be the kind of person who shuts everyone out because you’re married. Community is important and a supportive partner will encourage you to spend time with other people.
I am me before anything else
Use your voice
You are allowed to form your own opinions and ideas, to say no if you don’t want, like or agree with something. You are allowed to question what you don’t understand. Individuality in marriage means that you can make your own decisions without being influenced by your spouse.
Having differences in marriage is okay
Differences in marriage is completely okay. It’s okay that you and your partner don’t like the same things. I like to make an example with pizza, my husband and I have completely different tastes in pizza, a lot of times we compromise. Sometimes though, one of us gets away with having the other person’s favorite pizza. And that’s fine. That’s how marriage works, there’s a lot of compromise but there are also times where one of you have to sacrifice temporarily so that the other person can have a moment and vice versa. There should be a balance.
Personal goals
You give up a big part of you to accommodate your new life. The things that you are mostly passionate about is what makes you you, don’t ever forget that. When you lose that spark, your spouse should love you enough to remind you what is most important to you.
My husband’s always known how passionate I am about literature. He bought me my first decent computer so I wouldn’t make excuses as to why I can’t start a blog. He reads my blogs and encourages me, he let’s me know when I need improvement. When I neglect my passion, he’ll point it out. He’s such a great support.
I hope you have a supportive spouse that cheers you on in the things that you want to pursue, if not, have a conversation about it, it’s okay to remind him.
Understand this, as soon as you make it over one hurdle, there will be another one in front of you. All this to say, enjoy life as much as you possibly can even when it feels like it’s the end of the world..
Your individuality matters, remember that.
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