You get what you give in relationships.

If you are single looking for a committed relationship, dating and looking to get married or engaged soon to be married then this post is for you. You get what you give in relationships and marriage.

Realistic expectations

I think I speak for myself here when I say that I’ve always wanted to be with a good man who would love me unconditionally, treat me with respect and have goals, to be a provider and protecter. I also knew the kind of wife I wanted to be. Life however has a way of humbling us and I had a front row seat to the “kissing a few frogs before you find your prince” show, and boy was I humbled.

As young women, we have some expectations when it comes to finding the one but I’ve heard so many unrealistic ones that make absolutely no sense. One that really annoys me is women looking for a walking ATM machine when they themselves aren’t where they want to be financially. What you want in a future husband, you should have yourself or at least be working towards. It’s a different story if by chance he happens to be well off when you fall in love but wanting someone solely because of how deep his pockets are even when you have no connection is ridiculous to me. You get what you give.

 

“He has to have his own place”. Do you have your own place?

“Does he have a 5 year plan?” Do you?

“He needs to be established by 25”. Are you?

If you answered yes to all these questions then you have found the Ken to your Barbie, congratulations. Marriage however is one rollercoaster ride, looks fade, money comes and goes, problems are real. There may be times when one person lacks at something and the other has to keep both of you afloat and sometimes that person will have to be you. You’ll see your spouse at their weakest, they’ll see you at your weakest.

There are two things that make relationships and marriage last and that’s love for your spouse and God. Also making the conscious decision to choose them everyday because it’s easy to get swayed by the next attractive guy that you walk past but when you remember you have a good man at home, that should be enough. Yes you can play house like Barbie and Ken but I guarantee you relationships like that don’t last. There’s no room for selfishness in a healthy relationship or marriage.

Yes, men have unrealistic expectations as well but we’re talking about us today. We put men under so much pressure. Them solely being a provider for their future family puts an extreme amount of pressure on them. I hear my mom tell my 18 year old brother all the time to make good life choices because he’s going to be a provider one day. They know this. An intentional man will take care of you and do the best he can no matter how little he has.

 

The more important question to ask is yourself is..

How can I be a great wife to my husband one day? What good qualities do I have? What am I bad at? What are my toxic traits? What do I need to work on? Am I dealing with trauma that affects how I live my life, how am I going to work on that? What lifestyle do I live? Do I have goals? What are some things that I’m willing to accept in marriage? What do I refuse to look passed in marriage? How do I spend my free time? How late do I stay out? Do I know how to budget? How to save? If not how do I plan on fixing that? What would be my duties as a wife? Will I fulfill them even on days that I want to lock myself in the room and do absolutely nothing?

Think about these questions and then write down what you would like and expect from a future husband as well. That way you get to have a deeper understanding at the kind of person that you are and what you want that’s also realistic.

We need to be intentional when we are looking to get into a serious relationship and that starts by knowing what we want in a relationship, how we expect to be treated and if we get anything less than that, know when to leave and when we do, we don’t look back.

What happens when you continue to entertain past lovers is that God sees it. He won’t send you a life partner when you’re not ready. So you keep questioning yourself, why it’s taking you so long to meet the one while still tied to your past relationships. I know this because I’ve been there myself. Relationships don’t always have to end on bad terms, sometimes there are friendly goodbyes, that’s not a reason for you to be friends with him and overlook everything that’s happened including how much you loved him. Also having the mentality of “at least having someone by your side while looking for a good man” won’t save you. Heal and move on so God blesses you with a good one.

 

Now listen, if you don’t get what you give in relationships then it’s not worth it.

You deserve a loving and peaceful relationship.

Life is already stressful as is, you don’t need a life partner to add onto it but you also need to check yourself first before you make a mental note of what you want and don’t want in a partner.

xoxo Shernice