I had always been open to the idea of therapy, at the time I wish I had someone tell me everything I needed to know about therapy. I struggled with things that needed to get worked on and I knew there was only so much the people who love me could do to help. I wanted to speak to a complete stranger, a professional, somebody who wouldn’t be biased when I shared my life story and experiences with them, someone who knew exactly what to say instead of “I’m so sorry” every time I shared something with them.
As I got older and spent more time by myself, I started prioritizing my mental health. I didn’t like the way I was feeling, the way past traumas, my anxiety, toxic relationships, toxic traits and my people pleasing tendencies affected my present, more specifically my future. I wanted to work on them. Unfortunately I couldn’t afford therapy at the time and my problems were slowly eating at me.
Therapy in our generation
When I met my partner and we became more serious, I became even more adamant on working on myself. I wanted to feel good in my body, my spirit and my heart but I also wanted to be good for the person that I was starting my life with. I wanted to heal.
Our generation is trying so hard to do better. We are prioritizing our mental health and I love to see it. People are leaving toxic work environments, toxic friends and family, toxic partners and everything else that affects their lives negatively. I’ve had so many conversations with people who are living for themselves, doing what brings them joy, living slowly and being kind to themselves because if you don’t do it, nobody will. Life is already so hard so it’s important to be kind to yourself and that’s something that comes up a lot in therapy.
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You have to want it for yourself
I don’t know how many people I’ve heard tell me they were forced to go to therapy by their parents. I’ll often hear them say that they create small talk to get it over and done with. Therapy shouldn’t be forced, it should be something that you want for yourself. The whole reason you share parts of your life is because you need help navigating through it. If you try therapy for the first time and it may be a little uncomfortable, that’s okay, it’s normal. However, if it continues to feel that way after a few sessions, you may look into why you feel that way and if it’s really not for you, I wouldn’t force it.
Find the right therapist
You have to find the right therapist in order for it to work. My first therapist was so nice. She helped me deal with some things but more times than often she would tell me what I wanted to hear and not what I needed to hear. I eventually had to change therapists but I was afraid of starting over. Turns out that it was a great decision. She tells me what I need to hear, there’s always something to work on. She would advise me accordingly and ask as much as she could, she also really listens to me.
There’s so much I’ve improved on since I started talking to her and she always tries to help find a solution to the things that I share with her. I know everything I’ve mentioned is part of her job, but it’s just so much better when you have a connection with them.
You have to be honest
In order for this to work, there can’t be any short cuts. You have to be completely honest with your therapist so they are able to help you. When you leave out Information and they advice you on the little bit that you shared, it’s not going to help you because you only shared parts of your story. They are not there to judge you or shame you. Remember that therapists work with so many other people and everyone has a story. If they couldn’t handle helping you with your issues they wouldn’t be therapists. It’s okay to be raw and share parts of your life that you wouldn’t normally share it with everyone else.
Be okay with being the bad guy
Listen, you’re not perfect, no one is. Admitting that you’re the bad guy sometimes doesn’t make you the worst person in the world. Sometimes we’re going to hurt people’s feelings, lie or deceive them, it happens. You may even have toxic traits that you need to work on, there’s no reason to be ashamed especially if you are trying to be a better person. Share that with your therapist so they help you find a way to move forward.
They’re not always going to be available when you need them
It was easy to keep in touch with my first therapist as there was an app where we texted and she would always respond within a day. With my new therapist we do video calls only and I have to make an appointment. Sometimes things occur where I feel like I need to speak to her immediately but I’ll have to wait for our upcoming session. It can be really frustrating. It’s different for everyone though. My partner is able to talk to his therapist the same day, same time every week. Then there’s our couple’s therapist who rescheduled five times before we were able to talk to her so we ended up finding a new one. Make sure you find one that works for you.
Don’t wait for things to go terribly wrong before you start therapy
When my partner and I talked about going to therapy we discussed wanting to do couples therapy as well. We wanted to get our foot in the door with our personal therapists first. Then do couples therapy together after. This was about 6 months ago, nothing was wrong and we normally communicate well so really there’s no reason to go to therapy right? Wrong! You want your therapist to get to know the two of you so when big issues do arise, she understands where it comes from and has an idea how to help solve it because she’s gotten to know the two of you. Even if you’re doing this on your own, it’s never too early to go to therapy. Never.
It doesn’t work for everybody
Therapy is not for everyone and that’s okay. You might give it a chance and learn that it’s not for you. It’s okay to stop and find a different way for you to deal with your problems. It’s not for everybody.
Here’s a list that you can look into to start..
Therapy is nothing to be ashamed of. Life is hard and if talking to a therapist makes it easier for you then do it!
xoxo Shernice
