Married young series (Are you making the right choice?)

I’m doing a married young series to give some clarity to young women who aren’t sure what steps to take or who to talk to during this time. If this is you, read on, I’ve got a lot to share. The first topic I had to start with was ‘Are you making the right choice?’ I get a lot of questions from women wanting to know how I knew I was ready or that I was even making the right choice. I get asked if it’s okay to be nervous even when you love them and a lot of other questions. So in this series, I’ll be answering all of them. 

Ours not mine

When you get married, the Bible says that you become one flesh. God created Eve from a rib taken from Adam’s side, Adam recognized that Eve was apart of him. This means emotionally, spiritually, intellectually, financially and every other way you become one. It is important to recognize this in the dating phase and I’ll explain why.

I don’t mean to be biased but men are normally the ones that have a harder time adjusting from being single to committing. It comes naturally for women to adjust, to share & connect, not everyone but I believe a good majority.

What I’m getting at here is to be with someone who uses words like ‘us, we, our’ in sentences instead of ‘me, I and mine’. You are a team. Everything that’s yours is his when you’re married, and everything that’s his is yours. If not there will be a clear division in your marriage because of this, trust me, maybe not in the beginning but eventually. If your partner isn’t this person try to have a conversation with them before you decide to tie the knot because if you bring this up later in marriage and they’re not willing to change anything then you’re in trouble.

Please don’t wait till marriage to have serious conversations thinking it’s too early or not important.

Emotional intelligence

Women are naturally emotional beings, we take things more personal than men do, some of us tend to be more sensitive than others. This means that it’s your partner’s responsibility to be able to empathize with others, especially you, to overcome challenges, defuse conflict, and to communicate effectively. This is your responsibility too of course.

If you’re planning to spend the rest of your life with someone, it’s important to know that there are going to be arguments, a lot of them. You want to be with someone who wants to help solve the problem instead of proving that he’s right all the time. Someone who’s going to support you when you need them the most instead of looking at you like another burden. Communication is extremely important, he needs not only to be your partner but your friend. You should be comfortable enough to share your thoughts and so should he.

Parenting

I watched a video on TikTok today where a lady talked about the importance of choosing a partner that’s going to be a good parent. She was sobbing, explaining that she’s married but is technically a single parent. She talked about the signs being there before she had children with him but she overlooked them at the time as she was so in love.

So I say to you, motherhood is one fulfilling yet one tough journey that we experience as women. We already do so much of the work by not only carrying our babies for 9 months but giving birth to them, nursing and raising them. You are not alone, a partner who loves you will be…should be there to help. You should be raising your children together. Will more responsibility fall on you more than your spouse when you raise your children? Perhaps, but you want someone who’ll see that and offer help. So please choose wisely if you’re planning on having children.

These are the 3 major things I wanted to talk about first, sharing, emotional connection and parenting. I think those are some of the important components to look for in a spouse.

Are you making the right choice?

The million dollar question, are you making the right choice? Only you can answer that question but I’ll tell you this…

It’s completely normal to be nervous, getting married is a big step, life changing. Your mind may be filled with unpleasant thoughts of what may or may not happen down the line. Take a breath and tell yourself to take it one day at a time or if you need reassurance from your partner, tell him.

Understand this, you’ll never be fully ready to get married. You may feel like you need to be accomplished, have a great job, a lot of money in the bank. Perhaps fight your demons first, or simply just feel like you have to be a different person by the time you tie the knot. This is not true. Obviously have a plan before you get married but you don’t need to have your whole life figured out. You just both need to trust one another enough to head on this new chapter together.

Are you too young to be married? Well, it depends on your maturity and readiness. I thought I would be ready to be someone’s wife by the age of 30, turns out I was ready when I was 23, about to turn 24. It all depends on your readiness.

Read more marriage related topics here:

• The first year of marriage
• From Miss to Mrs
• God please send me my soulmate already
• Green flags to look for in a relationship

Overall, you know deep in your heart when someone is meant for you. Love is so beautiful and it deserves to be celebrated.

I sincerely hope you make the right choice.

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